The Things I Carry

The Things I Carry

Thought process in class when Rachel said, “Write about the things you carry:”
Crap. Ok… the things I carry. Things… I carry… What do I carry? Do I carry anything? Oh no… I don’t think I carry anything. This is going to be awful. How could I carry anything that’s remotely as meaningful as this? Why is everyone else writing? Everyone else has meaningful things to say? Maybe they’re faking. Maybe I should just make something up. …… Crap I can’t even make things up to carry… Ok… here…”

From that point I wrote down a few things. I figured from my thought process there that I carry some self-doubt about things I write or think are important. I also thought about how there were probably lots of things that I could think of that I am carrying but am afraid to say them, or I don’t want to write them down because I don’t want to share them. I carry a need for privacy.

I thought about the other things I carry Friday and Saturday and still wasn’t coming up with much. I had an idea that if I made a list of the actual physical things that I carried with me here, (non-necessary things) that I would get a better idea of the intangible things I carry. (Some of this stuff has to mean something. Right? I hope.)

Things I brought with me:
My camera, 2
Jar of sand.
Existential Dilemmas jar.
Address book.
Stationary.
Book of pictures of friends.
Artwork: silk screens of Shakespeare quotes from Newport, OR, Rudy Harrel’s “Popstars,” Framed photo of the “Imagine” mosaic in Strawberry Fields photo from New York.
Posters: Jude, George Harrison, Yellow Submarine, Help, and World Map.
Comics: Put a dollar in the “end a sentence in a preposition” jar, look another uncooked bird, trade you these grub worms for your silly hats and high-heeled girly boots.
Binder of poetry, letters, and cards from friends.
Lots and Lots of music
Books (not text books): Sophie’s World, A History of Philosophy, “A Problem From Hell” American and the Age of Genocide, “A People’s History of the United States,” “The Bad Day Book.”
Decorations: butterfly lights, metal face from Saturday Market, sparkly “A” from Seattle, ugly but wonderful “Love” necklace bought at Goodwill in Yakima.

This is some of what I have figured out from these things:

1. I carry anxiety about being away from the familiar things in my life; my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my backyard, my room, my cats, the MAX Train, the park outside my house, Saturday Market (and Sunday Too!), the bridges…

2. I carry the weight of the world. I have a need to know about what’s going on in the world, especially the bad things that need to be fixed.
a. I feel that I carry the responsibility to fix those problems. If it’s not me personally it should be my generation.
b. I carry the knowledge that we are who we’ve been waiting for and we need to act now.

3. I carry the need to know people intimately. I don’t like having acquaintances. I have always had 3-5 very close friends rather than tons of people who I just hang out with. If I don’t know a person very well I don’t share a lot about myself with them. It can take years for me to really connect with a person. I hardly ever just click with someone.

4. I carry some shyness, more than I’d like to admit. I’ve always been good at meeting people and making friends; I can usually find something to talk about with someone. This new environment however has made this more difficult.




Things that other people carry: postsecret